Divorce has written to almost 50% of marriages. This is an astounding percentage considering that, according to about 93% of Americans, having a happy marriage is one of the most important goals in life. The problem is that as the generations go on, people are less willing to face obstacles and challenges. Whenever adversity strikes or difficult phases loom, it’s easier to pack your bags and move on then try and work together to overcome them. Couples counseling exercises might seem strange sometimes, but they really work and the marriage advice that you receive is extremely beneficial. Most family counselors will either talk with the whole family, the kids as well as being available for counseling for parents. Now, of course, there are instances where divorce is the answer. No one should live in an abusive household and if they can’t handle infidelity, no one can blame them. The truth is, you just have to be able to recognize when to see a couples counselor and when to call it quits. So, if you do decide to get marriage advice, how can you can the most out of couples counseling?
Go in With the Right Attitude
Your attitude is going to play a key part in the repair of your marriage. You could hear the best marriage advice but if you aren’t ready to open your heart and mind to the fact that marriage counseling would really save your marriage, then it won’t. How you think about a problem really does effect how you figure out the solution. If you have predetermined that you are done with your marriage and nothing is going to change that, then sitting through couples counselling sessions is not likely going to change your mind. However, if you accept that you both have made your mistakes, but the counselling is a fresh start- you are giving your marriage the chance that it deserves.
Focus on Yourself Instead of Your Partner
Therapy works better if you set your goals to focus on yourself. It’s easy to point out all the flaws in our partners, but what about your flaws? What could you have done differently and how should you change from here on out? Pretend for a minute that you are married to the perfect person and you are 100% the problem. That’s how you should approach therapy. Adjust your expectations and realize that you can’t change your partner. But, if you change, it could motivate your partner to meet you halfway.
Ask the Tough Questions
It’s important to ask questions that are on your mind when you are in therapy. The hard questions to answer are the ones that are going to help you uncover the real issues; what’s laying under the covers of superficial problems. These questions should be directed at yourself. Such as, when you’re in a disagreement with your partner, do you think that your partner has a valid opinion or even has the right to one? When a problem arises, do you automatically blame your partner or do you consider what your part is? Questions like these can be uncomfortable but that’s what therapy is all about. You have to have the guts to be honest and face yourself for who you are.
Take into Account What Your Partner and Counselor Say
You need to listen to what the others are saying. Communication is about listening as well as speaking. And not just hearing, well and truly listening and taking to heart what is being spoken. If you brush off what your counselor and partner are saying then you aren’t really trying your hardest. It also means that you are probably the main problem.
If you hear all the marriage advice and really apply it; if you participate in the exercises and truly try to change yourself and your marriage but there is no reconciliation, then maybe it’s time to consider a separation. However, a separation should not be the road to divorce. It should be a time to give one another the opportunity to miss the other person. Maybe once you see what your life is like without your partner, you won’t be willing to give them up so easily.
