If you are considering adopting a child, that is an incredible and admirable feat. It is a great adventure that could bring out the best in everyone. However, adoption is about more than just you and the new child if you already have biological children. There are certain things that you are going to need to do in order to educate your kids about adoption and let them know the reason behind the adoption.
It’s a common thing to hear the biological children feel like the reason that their parents are adopting more children is because their current ones aren’t good enough. They can tend to feel that because the parent is able to pick the child that they want, they will get their tailor made child that they always wanted. It’s your job as the parent to make sure that they see how untrue this is. There are resources at your local adoption centers to help you get through to your biological children but in the mean time here are a few things that you can do to prepare your kids for their new sibling.
Get Them Involved
You can bring your kids in a lot along the way. From visiting adoption centers to shopping for their room’s decorations, there are a lot of ways that biological kids can be involved, especially if they are older. Make them feel like they are apart of the whole process and that their opinion matters. Really take in to account ideas that they have and even implement some of them, if you can. This will make them see that they are involved and that they are just as important now as they ever were.
Talk to Them
You can do all the right things by involving them, taking them with to adoption centers and everything but if you don’t talk to them, they will still be feeling insecure and vulnerable. Don’t just stop about the adoption. Take time to find out what is going on in their lives. If they are involved in sports, make it a priority to go to all of their games and then talk about it with them afterwards. Your kids need to know that while the adoption is a huge part of your life right now, it’s not the only thing that matters to you.
Spend Time With Them
Take a couple of hours a week per child and spend some quality one on one time. Let them pick where you’ll eat and what you’ll do, within reason. During adoption periods, biological kids can tend to feel like their lives are spinning out of control and they don’t know what is up or down anymore. For those couple of hours, let them control the world with you by their side to keep them safe. That will mean more to them than any words you could ever speak. This is also a good idea so when you ask them to come with you to adoption centers or other adoption related trips, they won’t feel like the only time you spend time together is when you are doing adoption related errands.
Be Available to Them
Your kids may not want to talk to you right away about the adoption. They may seem hesitant and closed off. The first time they go to any adoption centers with you, they may be intimidated and unsure. Don’t pressure them to talk to you about their feelings. Simply be available to them. If they are watching TV in the living room, go and sit next to them and bring a bowl of popcorn to share. This shows your child that you are settling in to spending some time together but if they don’t want to talk you can just watch the movie together. But, if they do, you are there and they know they have your undivided attention.
It’s tough trying to adopt a baby or a child when you already have biological children. Another worry, on top of everything else is are the new siblings going to get along? Are they going to like each other? The truth is, at first, they may not. But give it some time and with your help, they will warm up to one another.
